A Few Small Steps

Tonight was our date night. Conveniently scheduled by God to be tonight. We needed to get away from the noise of phones buzzing with texts and emails of donations (thank you!). This situation is not what we have been imagining. We needed to get peace and wisdom from above, the peace that passes understanding. The wisdom that laid the foundations of the earth.

So we walked to the neighborhood grocery store and bought some ice cream.

And we talked. We talked about our fears. We talked about the six children we have now. We talked about our concerns. We relayed the various phone conversations we had been having all day. With the three boys social worker. With our social worker. With our parents and advisors.

I remembered words spoken to me. Words like "life!" and "more, more" and "the abba father cry" and "fathering."

We talked about attachment issues and parental bonding. We talked about abuse and neglect and adopting children from hard places.

And then we prayed. A lot. Sitting at the table eating ice cream, the presence of Jesus was so tangible we offered him some dessert. :) He began to answer us on the walk home.

In adoption there are two things needed before you can "sign on the dotted line." One is information about the specific situation you would be signing for. This information is everything from medical records to adoption education. The other thing needed is finances.

Typically these two things happen, more or less, sequentially. You prepare a home study, including evaluations and education. You raise money. You learn about a situation. You decide to sign on the dotted line. In this case, we are having to do both simultaneously. We are having to publicly fund-raise for a situation that we are still learning about.

I want to commit to these boys with every ounce of my heart. But I need to be able to commit to them unreservedly because these boys are real people. They aren't like a car I can return to the lot if it's not working out. And this is going to be hard work. I have no illusions that fathering nine children ages 8 and under is going to be a walk in the park.

We have many, many questions that can't be answered right away. And, as well as the fundraising is going right now, we still have a ways to go. Both things need to be in place. The questions need to be answered. And the funds need to continue to flow.

If the answers to the questions bring fear instead of love, or bring doubt instead of peace, then these boys are probably not meant for us. If the funds stop coming in, then these boys are probably not meant for us.

I know I'm not supposed to say those things. I know I'm supposed to put on a brave, believing, motivational-speaker face. But that's not who I am. It's not who we are.

Do I believe these boys are a fit for our family? Yes. I've seen their pictures, and I've read a bit of their story. I do believe they are a remarkable fit. These boys fit into our family in ways that my wife and I have only discussed with each other. Can this situation still fall through? Yes, in a million little ways.

But we keep moving forward a few small steps at a time.

If you'd like to donate, you can click donate on the side bar or the button below.

PS. Click here to read my wife's perspective and see the donation count.