What I Really Want

The other day I was sitting the the prayer room at RHOP. I was struggling with the sensation that I was wasting my time; that I would be happier if I was at home doing something useful.

I raised the prayer to God: "Do I really want to be here?"

I heard the familiar whisper of God in my spirit "YOU REARRANGE YOUR SCHEDULE TO BE HERE."

I thought about this for a few minutes. I thought. I do move things around in my schedule to make space to be here. I value my time. Though I struggle with the actual enjoying of the prayer room, I do still come. If I make space in my schedule to be here, I must want to be here. I thought wanting would feel different.

I thought wanting would feel different.

Wanting is a sensation to be sure. But my reason for being in the prayer room. For seeking the presence of God goes deeper than a want. It goes deeper than a strong desire. I enter his presence almost as an instinct.

There is something deep inside me that needs to be in His presence. This drives me, it compels me, to carve out time in my schedule for Him. To meet Him in the prayer room. To talk with Him. To learn about Him. To listen to Him. To know Him.

Wanting does feel different.

I don't want to be here. I need to be here.

Number 5: Week 10

Well, it's been a busy past couple of weeks. I suppose that I ought to actually keep up with the "weekly" posts here on baby development.

This week: 10.

Since the last time that I posted quite a bit has happened. Michelle started cramping and bleeding. Because Michelle had a previously undiagnosed progesterone deficiency she is now receiving injections of progesterone twice a week. Yeowch. Simply put, progesterone keeps a pregnant woman pregnant. If you really want more information than that, you can read about it here. The good news is that these injections have stabilized the bleeding and cramping to the point that they are pretty rare now.

The baby is now known scientifically as a fetus. It is a little over an inch long already. Only 20 more inches to go. Pretty amazing when you think that it will only take a little over 6 months to grow almost two feet. Yikes.

The brain, kidneys, intestines, and liver now starting to function, though (obviously) they'll continue to develop and grow during development. The baby's limbs can now bend. The spinal cord can be seen through translucent skin and nerves are beginning to extend from it.

Keep praying for Michelle that she has the emotional and physical energy to love all of our children during this pregnancy.

Until next week...