God is our good shepherd

Here is the news you've been waiting for! This may not be what we were hoping to hear, but God's will is perfect and we are resting in Him.

We heard back from the boys' social worker, and the result, in short, is that we have been un-chosen as these kids' match. We were not able to meet the requirements of the agency in their time frame, so at this point they need to move on to consider other families.

Our reaction is perfect peace. A few years ago, we heard Derek Loux say that God is our good shepherd. We say yes to Him, and He opens and closes the doors to let us know if this is the direction He wants us to go. If we are not the family for these boys, then we trust that God has another family who will be a safe place for them to grow and learn about Him.

We are still excited about our adoption, for which we have been preparing the past few months. The good news is that our home study is now complete, and we are ready to adopt! We will take a few days to process and wrap up this situation, and then we will begin applying for other situations. We will also begin the process of applying for grants available through ABBA Fund, Show Hope, etc.

For those who have donated, we will be contacting you by email in the next day or two. We will be offering three options: 1) We will gladly return your money to you should you so desire; 2) We will make sure that your donation is sent along to help the family chosen for the three boys to adopt them; or 3) You may choose to apply the funds to our next adoption, which we are hoping will happen in the next few months. Whatever you choose, we bless and honor you for your loving sacrifice over the past two days.

Thank you for joining us on this exciting and unpredictable journey of adoption! We will be posting again soon about our new direction.

Where we are at...

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the donations so far. They are greatly appreciated.

Some people may be a little confused about where we are at and what is going on.

We are moving ahead to try and get these boys. Just not as quickly as some would like us to. With adoption there are many questions, and not a lot of answers. We are waiting to hear back from the placement agency on these questions.

If the fact that this placement isn't a done deal makes people uncomfortable giving we TOTALLY and COMPLETELY understand. As I mentioned last night, there are two tracks that are needing to happen simultaneously: information and fundraising. The fundraising is like Gideon's Fleece for us. And it's coming in, just not as quickly as we had hoped. We see this as God's confirmation to proceed a bit more slowly.

All that said: We are NOT giving up. We aren't backing down. We are doing this for HIS sake. These boys are HIS children. We want them to be our children too. The question is: Will He let us? We only want to do His will. No more. No less.

We will let you know further as soon as possible. Thank you again for your generosity!

(Note: If the placement with us falls through, then we will be contacting each donor individually and privately to determine what you would like us to do with your donation.)

A Few Small Steps

Tonight was our date night. Conveniently scheduled by God to be tonight. We needed to get away from the noise of phones buzzing with texts and emails of donations (thank you!). This situation is not what we have been imagining. We needed to get peace and wisdom from above, the peace that passes understanding. The wisdom that laid the foundations of the earth.

So we walked to the neighborhood grocery store and bought some ice cream.

And we talked. We talked about our fears. We talked about the six children we have now. We talked about our concerns. We relayed the various phone conversations we had been having all day. With the three boys social worker. With our social worker. With our parents and advisors.

I remembered words spoken to me. Words like "life!" and "more, more" and "the abba father cry" and "fathering."

We talked about attachment issues and parental bonding. We talked about abuse and neglect and adopting children from hard places.

And then we prayed. A lot. Sitting at the table eating ice cream, the presence of Jesus was so tangible we offered him some dessert. :) He began to answer us on the walk home.

In adoption there are two things needed before you can "sign on the dotted line." One is information about the specific situation you would be signing for. This information is everything from medical records to adoption education. The other thing needed is finances.

Typically these two things happen, more or less, sequentially. You prepare a home study, including evaluations and education. You raise money. You learn about a situation. You decide to sign on the dotted line. In this case, we are having to do both simultaneously. We are having to publicly fund-raise for a situation that we are still learning about.

I want to commit to these boys with every ounce of my heart. But I need to be able to commit to them unreservedly because these boys are real people. They aren't like a car I can return to the lot if it's not working out. And this is going to be hard work. I have no illusions that fathering nine children ages 8 and under is going to be a walk in the park.

We have many, many questions that can't be answered right away. And, as well as the fundraising is going right now, we still have a ways to go. Both things need to be in place. The questions need to be answered. And the funds need to continue to flow.

If the answers to the questions bring fear instead of love, or bring doubt instead of peace, then these boys are probably not meant for us. If the funds stop coming in, then these boys are probably not meant for us.

I know I'm not supposed to say those things. I know I'm supposed to put on a brave, believing, motivational-speaker face. But that's not who I am. It's not who we are.

Do I believe these boys are a fit for our family? Yes. I've seen their pictures, and I've read a bit of their story. I do believe they are a remarkable fit. These boys fit into our family in ways that my wife and I have only discussed with each other. Can this situation still fall through? Yes, in a million little ways.

But we keep moving forward a few small steps at a time.

If you'd like to donate, you can click donate on the side bar or the button below.

PS. Click here to read my wife's perspective and see the donation count.

Three Little Boys

Approximately 48 hours ago we learned about three little boys that need a family. And they need a family this week. The boys are ages 5, 4, and 3 years old. When we found out about these boys we prayed and talked to our children. We told them this was going to be hard. We asked them if they wanted these boys to come live with us and be their brothers. We asked every possible way for them to say "no." None of them did.

I then began communicating with the agency, letting them know that, though we have a large family, we are willing to welcome these boys into our home. I wasn't expecting much. But then the agency replied and the communication started happening and things seemed to be picking up steam. Then the question: "Do you have the $30,000 to adopt these three boys?" I gulped. I may live in California Gold Country, but I certainly don't have a gold mine in my backyard.

The reality is that these boys need a home. We have a home. The agency is the gatekeeper and is asking for $30,000 from us so that we can become their parents and give them a home. This is not an official match. But if it does become official, the agency has expressed a desire to make the placement THIS WEEK. If it does become an official match, we will need money for airfare, lawyer fees, agency fees, government fees, and the list goes on and on.

We know that where God leads, God provides. And if He is leading these three little boys to our family, then He will provide the $30,000 in the next two days. If you would like to give towards this you can click the donate button below or on the sidebar. I've seen God do many miracles for us and for others. I'm excited to see what miracles He has in store for these three little boys .

PS. If this match does not take place, all funds received will go toward our next adoption.

PPS. As usual, my wife says it much better than I can.

Living

God Likes You!

The day my first child was born was just over 8 years ago. Jan 11, 2003. We had wanted a child right away, but it still took 7 months to get pregnant. Then another 9 months of waiting and waiting and waiting to meet her. Then her due date came, and went. Then a week. Then another week. Finally the doctor had waited enough and we went to the hospital for a “scheduled induction.” 36 hours of labor later Rayne was born. All those months of praying, all those months of waiting, had finally come to fuition, and here was our daughter.

I loved her with a love I had not known before. It was an intense love that took me by surprise.

There was another thing that took me by surprise. The fear on the doctor’s faces. I didn’t notice it at first, but when I heard the nurse say to my little baby, “breathe little one, breathe” I knew something was not going as expected. Her first APGAR score was 2, which is really close to 0, which I didn’t know at the time, but that’s pretty close to “not alive.” She finally did start breathing, and is a vivacious normal healthy girl, despite having not breathed for approximately the first 4 minutes of her life.

If that is the kind of intense love that I, a frail human, a naïve young man, a brand new father could feel, how much more intense is God’s love towards you. The creator of the universe. The creator of you. He day-dreamed about the day he would get to form you in your mothers womb. He did a fist-pump when you were born.

I grew up hearing people and preachers say those sorts of things and I would often wonder why? The person would respond “because God loves you” But you see, my little child engineering mind was not satisfied with that answer. “God Love’s You”, that’s like his job description. Mom loves you. God loves you. Two things that don’t change. Right. Got it.

What I didn’t know until rather recently, was that God likes me and he wants to spend time with me. God, the creator of little puny me, he likes me? He wants to hang out with me?

Think back to the day you got saved. On that day, the angels in heaven rejoiced and Jesus threw a party. We know that God liked us that day. Now, think about where you were the day before you were saved. Did God like you the day before you were saved? What about the day before that? Think about your worst moment. The bottom of the pit. Did God like you? The answer resounds through scripture and is summarized “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

I used to act and strive so hard to earn God’s favor. Knowing that God likes me … that he liked me even when I was doing things that broke his heart … I can rest inside. I don’t have to earn his favor now. I can trust him. He’s not an angry God, a mad dad just waiting to squish me. If he was waiting for that, he’s had plenty of opportunities already. God is a glad dad and he can’t resist spoiling me. He gives me “the desires of my heart.”

Because I know God likes me and He likes spoiling me I now know that I can trust him with everything. I know that I don’t know what is best for me. But I trust the God who wrote the script for my life, that He knows what is best for me. Because I know He likes me, I know I can trust Him with my wife, with my kids, with my very life.

I remember driving home one day, soon after learning this. I was praying in my car as I was pulling into my neighborhood. I prayed, “okay God, I trust you, give me your best shot.” There was no giant thumb from heaven, no crazy near miss on the road. But I did feel the pleasure of God as he gave me his biggest smile.

God doesn’t want our striving, he doesn’t want our panicked good works. He wants our trust. He’s the one that showed how much He loved us, even liked us, by dying for us while we were still spitting in His face. All of history is a story of God showing us that he is a trustworthy God and asking us, with His arms outstretched, do you trust me?

And when we say “yes”, when we really say “yes”, He gives us His biggest grin, holds out His hands and bids us come walk on water with Him.

Want to fight poverty? Have a baby! (or adopt one!)