Salt Racer

God is our good shepherd

2011-06-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

Here is the news you've been waiting for! This may not be what we were hoping to hear, but God's will is perfect and we are resting in Him.

We heard back from the boys' social worker, and the result, in short, is that we have been un-chosen as these kids' match. We were not able to meet the requirements of the agency in their time frame, so at this point they need to move on to consider other families.

Our reaction is perfect peace. A few years ago, we heard Derek Loux say that God is our good shepherd. We say yes to Him, and He opens and closes the doors to let us know if this is the direction He wants us to go. If we are not the family for these boys, then we trust that God has another family who will be a safe place for them to grow and learn about Him.

We are still excited about our adoption, for which we have been preparing the past few months. The good news is that our home study is now complete, and we are ready to adopt! We will take a few days to process and wrap up this situation, and then we will begin applying for other situations. We will also begin the process of applying for grants available through ABBA Fund, Show Hope, etc.

For those who have donated, we will be contacting you by email in the next day or two. We will be offering three options: 1) We will gladly return your money to you should you so desire; 2) We will make sure that your donation is sent along to help the family chosen for the three boys to adopt them; or 3) You may choose to apply the funds to our next adoption, which we are hoping will happen in the next few months. Whatever you choose, we bless and honor you for your loving sacrifice over the past two days.

Thank you for joining us on this exciting and unpredictable journey of adoption! We will be posting again soon about our new direction.

Where we are at...

2011-06-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the donations so far. They are greatly appreciated.

Some people may be a little confused about where we are at and what is going on.

We are moving ahead to try and get these boys. Just not as quickly as some would like us to. With adoption there are many questions, and not a lot of answers. We are waiting to hear back from the placement agency on these questions.

If the fact that this placement isn't a done deal makes people uncomfortable giving we TOTALLY and COMPLETELY understand. As I mentioned last night, there are two tracks that are needing to happen simultaneously: information and fundraising. The fundraising is like Gideon's Fleece for us. And it's coming in, just not as quickly as we had hoped. We see this as God's confirmation to proceed a bit more slowly.

All that said: We are NOT giving up. We aren't backing down. We are doing this for HIS sake. These boys are HIS children. We want them to be our children too. The question is: Will He let us? We only want to do His will. No more. No less.

We will let you know further as soon as possible. Thank you again for your generosity!

(Note: If the placement with us falls through, then we will be contacting each donor individually and privately to determine what you would like us to do with your donation.)

A Few Small Steps

2011-06-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight was our date night. Conveniently scheduled by God to be tonight. We needed to get away from the noise of phones buzzing with texts and emails of donations (thank you!). This situation is not what we have been imagining. We needed to get peace and wisdom from above, the peace that passes understanding. The wisdom that laid the foundations of the earth.

So we walked to the neighborhood grocery store and bought some ice cream.

And we talked. We talked about our fears. We talked about the six children we have now. We talked about our concerns. We relayed the various phone conversations we had been having all day. With the three boys social worker. With our social worker. With our parents and advisors.

I remembered words spoken to me. Words like "life!" and "more, more" and "the abba father cry" and "fathering."

We talked about attachment issues and parental bonding. We talked about abuse and neglect and adopting children from hard places.

And then we prayed. A lot. Sitting at the table eating ice cream, the presence of Jesus was so tangible we offered him some dessert. :) He began to answer us on the walk home.

In adoption there are two things needed before you can "sign on the dotted line." One is information about the specific situation you would be signing for. This information is everything from medical records to adoption education. The other thing needed is finances.

Typically these two things happen, more or less, sequentially. You prepare a home study, including evaluations and education. You raise money. You learn about a situation. You decide to sign on the dotted line. In this case, we are having to do both simultaneously. We are having to publicly fund-raise for a situation that we are still learning about.

I want to commit to these boys with every ounce of my heart. But I need to be able to commit to them unreservedly because these boys are real people. They aren't like a car I can return to the lot if it's not working out. And this is going to be hard work. I have no illusions that fathering nine children ages 8 and under is going to be a walk in the park.

We have many, many questions that can't be answered right away. And, as well as the fundraising is going right now, we still have a ways to go. Both things need to be in place. The questions need to be answered. And the funds need to continue to flow.

If the answers to the questions bring fear instead of love, or bring doubt instead of peace, then these boys are probably not meant for us. If the funds stop coming in, then these boys are probably not meant for us.

I know I'm not supposed to say those things. I know I'm supposed to put on a brave, believing, motivational-speaker face. But that's not who I am. It's not who we are.

Do I believe these boys are a fit for our family? Yes. I've seen their pictures, and I've read a bit of their story. I do believe they are a remarkable fit. These boys fit into our family in ways that my wife and I have only discussed with each other. Can this situation still fall through? Yes, in a million little ways.

But we keep moving forward a few small steps at a time.

If you'd like to donate, you can click donate on the side bar or the button below.

PS. Click here to read my wife's perspective and see the donation count.

Three Little Boys

2011-06-13T23:15:00.001-07:00

Approximately 48 hours ago we learned about three little boys that need a family. And they need a family this week. The boys are ages 5, 4, and 3 years old. When we found out about these boys we prayed and talked to our children. We told them this was going to be hard. We asked them if they wanted these boys to come live with us and be their brothers. We asked every possible way for them to say "no." None of them did.

I then began communicating with the agency, letting them know that, though we have a large family, we are willing to welcome these boys into our home. I wasn't expecting much. But then the agency replied and the communication started happening and things seemed to be picking up steam. Then the question: "Do you have the $30,000 to adopt these three boys?" I gulped. I may live in California Gold Country, but I certainly don't have a gold mine in my backyard.

The reality is that these boys need a home. We have a home. The agency is the gatekeeper and is asking for $30,000 from us so that we can become their parents and give them a home. This is not an official match. But if it does become official, the agency has expressed a desire to make the placement THIS WEEK. If it does become an official match, we will need money for airfare, lawyer fees, agency fees, government fees, and the list goes on and on.

We know that where God leads, God provides. And if He is leading these three little boys to our family, then He will provide the $30,000 in the next two days. If you would like to give towards this you can click the donate button below or on the sidebar. I've seen God do many miracles for us and for others. I'm excited to see what miracles He has in store for these three little boys .

PS. If this match does not take place, all funds received will go toward our next adoption.

PPS. As usual, my wife says it much better than I can.

Living

2011-03-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

God Likes You!

2011-02-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

The day my first child was born was just over 8 years ago. Jan 11, 2003. We had wanted a child right away, but it still took 7 months to get pregnant. Then another 9 months of waiting and waiting and waiting to meet her. Then her due date came, and went. Then a week. Then another week. Finally the doctor had waited enough and we went to the hospital for a “scheduled induction.” 36 hours of labor later Rayne was born. All those months of praying, all those months of waiting, had finally come to fuition, and here was our daughter.

I loved her with a love I had not known before. It was an intense love that took me by surprise.

There was another thing that took me by surprise. The fear on the doctor’s faces. I didn’t notice it at first, but when I heard the nurse say to my little baby, “breathe little one, breathe” I knew something was not going as expected. Her first APGAR score was 2, which is really close to 0, which I didn’t know at the time, but that’s pretty close to “not alive.” She finally did start breathing, and is a vivacious normal healthy girl, despite having not breathed for approximately the first 4 minutes of her life.

If that is the kind of intense love that I, a frail human, a naïve young man, a brand new father could feel, how much more intense is God’s love towards you. The creator of the universe. The creator of you. He day-dreamed about the day he would get to form you in your mothers womb. He did a fist-pump when you were born.

I grew up hearing people and preachers say those sorts of things and I would often wonder why? The person would respond “because God loves you” But you see, my little child engineering mind was not satisfied with that answer. “God Love’s You”, that’s like his job description. Mom loves you. God loves you. Two things that don’t change. Right. Got it.

What I didn’t know until rather recently, was that God likes me and he wants to spend time with me. God, the creator of little puny me, he likes me? He wants to hang out with me?

Think back to the day you got saved. On that day, the angels in heaven rejoiced and Jesus threw a party. We know that God liked us that day. Now, think about where you were the day before you were saved. Did God like you the day before you were saved? What about the day before that? Think about your worst moment. The bottom of the pit. Did God like you? The answer resounds through scripture and is summarized “While we were still sinners Christ died for us.”

I used to act and strive so hard to earn God’s favor. Knowing that God likes me … that he liked me even when I was doing things that broke his heart … I can rest inside. I don’t have to earn his favor now. I can trust him. He’s not an angry God, a mad dad just waiting to squish me. If he was waiting for that, he’s had plenty of opportunities already. God is a glad dad and he can’t resist spoiling me. He gives me “the desires of my heart.”

Because I know God likes me and He likes spoiling me I now know that I can trust him with everything. I know that I don’t know what is best for me. But I trust the God who wrote the script for my life, that He knows what is best for me. Because I know He likes me, I know I can trust Him with my wife, with my kids, with my very life.

I remember driving home one day, soon after learning this. I was praying in my car as I was pulling into my neighborhood. I prayed, “okay God, I trust you, give me your best shot.” There was no giant thumb from heaven, no crazy near miss on the road. But I did feel the pleasure of God as he gave me his biggest smile.

God doesn’t want our striving, he doesn’t want our panicked good works. He wants our trust. He’s the one that showed how much He loved us, even liked us, by dying for us while we were still spitting in His face. All of history is a story of God showing us that he is a trustworthy God and asking us, with His arms outstretched, do you trust me?

And when we say “yes”, when we really say “yes”, He gives us His biggest grin, holds out His hands and bids us come walk on water with Him.

Want to fight poverty? Have a baby! (or adopt one!)

2010-12-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

Vulnerable Children and God's Heart

2010-12-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

There is a massive issue and it's all around us. It is the problem of children without parents. Here in the United States it's less visible than in other nations, but we see the need on television and in the newspaper. We wring our hands wondering what can be done, feeling overwhelmed by the scope of the problem.

The problem is beyond the scope of any single person to solve. The problem is beyond the government to solve. There is no kingdom on earth that can solve this problem. The only solution for this problem is the Kingdom of God.

God’s heart for the vulnerable

God takes very, very seriously the care of orphans and widows, two vulnerable segments of the population.

Deut 24:17 - “You shall not pervert the justice due an alien or an orphan."

Psalm 146:9 - “The Lord protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, but He thwarts the way of the wicked.”

James 1:27 - “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress...”

Proverbs 31:8-9 - “But you must defend those who are helpless and have no hope. Be fair and give justice to the poor and homeless.”

If a people claim His name, He makes it clear that one of the measures he uses of them is that they care for the vulnerable segments of society including the stranger, the poor, the orphan and the widow.

Isaiah 1:23, “Your rulers are rebels and companions of thieves; everyone loves a bribe and chases after rewards. They do not defend the orphan, nor does the widow’s plea come before them.”

Jeremiah 5:28, “They are fat, they are sleek, they also excel in deeds of wickedness; they do not plead the cause, the cause of the orphan, that they may prosper; and they do not defend the rights of the poor.”

Malachi 3:5, “The Lord All-Powerful said: I’m now on my way to judge you. And I will quickly condemn all who practice witchcraft or cheat in marriage or tell lies in court or rob workers of their pay or mistreat widows and orphans or steal the property of foreigners or refuse to respect me.”

Widows and orphans are not just those who have lost husbands and fathers through death. They are also those who have been abandoned by husbands and fathers. This can include neglect or lack of acknowledging paternity. Widows and orphans are among and around us. The are the single moms and the children whose fathers have left or whose parents simply cannot care for them.

Stated simply, children of absentee fathers and single moms are considered orphans and widows by God. This is because their father is to be their defender. With no man present in the house, there is no one to protect and provide for them. There is no one to fill the role of father in the house. This is why the Bible says

“A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)”

We see much fatherlessness in our society. The father wound runs very deeply. Depending on how deep it goes, it can impact every facet of a child’s life. These fatherless children can become vulnerable to evil men bent on using and exploiting them. Truly nothing has changed since God spoke to Isaiah saying,

“...so as to deprive the needy of justice and rob the poor … of their rights, so that widows may be their spoil and that they may plunder the orphans (Isaiah 10:2)”

The need

The need is great. There are more than 140 million orphans world-wide. There are over 500,000 in the United States alone. 15% of those are in California alone. These vulnerable children, without a father in their life, without a family to belong to, will very frequently grow to be “plundered” by the human trafficking industry.
While I don’t want to make it seem like every child without a family will end up as a victim of trafficking, the reality is that these children are the vulnerable segment of the population that Satan loves to prey upon.

We can “starve the system” by robbing it of victims. We can rescue these children before they are even trafficked. We can rescue them before they are chewed up by a bureaucratic system and aged out of the system on their 18th birthday. We can rescue them from feeling alone and unwanted. We can rescue some of them even before they enter the foster system. We can make liars out of abortion industry when they tell their customers that they you might as well get an abortion, because no one will adopt their baby.

We can completely starve the system of victims by providing safe homes and loving arms.

The solution? The church.

God has called us, the church, to care for the vulnerable, to be a light shining in the darkness. We can answer the call. Some are called to walk out the command by adopting a child. Others are called to help in other ways. Just as every family that brings a newborn baby home from the hospital needs a network of loving friends and family to assist them through the adjustments and changes that every new life brings, every family that adopts a child needs a network, a web of support to help them.

Adoption brings many new facets of life into a family. In our case, we adopted a baby African-American girl and have had to learn a lot about hair and skin care. We now have a wonderful woman added to our family, Grandma Bev. Grandma Bev has adopted us as her children and provides significant help in hair care product help and other areas. Friends are beginning to enter our lives and become uncles and aunts. The fact we have extended family members that looks like our daughter is very significant.

There are many other ways to help. There is the ministry of Glass Slipper. There is Safe Families for Children or Mercy Ministries. There is financial support. Learning about the issues and being a friend available to listen and not judge when things are hard. There is a place for everyone to pitch in and help.

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones

Once people feel the tug of the Holy Spirit encouraging them to take the next step and enter the world of adoption or foster care, many questions begin to arise.
The first one that I usually encounter in talking with people is “How can you afford to adopt? Isn’t is really expensive?” There really is no simple answer to this question. The reality is that, yes, a lot of money can be involved in adoption. In our personal experience and in watching others adopt we have found that where God leads, He provides.

When you catch God's heart for something your priorities begin to realign. I used to dream about a fun, sporty car, a nice house, and a theater room with surround sound audio. Now we dream of driving to church in a 15-passenger van and have a second refrigerator in the garage for storing more milk and eggs. A big-screen TV doesn't seem as desirable as rescuing a child from a life of loneliness, neglect, and abuse. There are sources of money to help with adoption (tax credits, grants and fund raisers are common, and foster-adopt is nearly free). But the reality is that sacrifice is required.

Adoption or foster care is not easy. There are emotional risks, such as wondering about the birth parents changing their minds. There are legal risks. In the case of dear friends of ours, international law shifted such that a child they were very close to going to bring home was now made impossible.

These are real risks. And one needs to be sure of God’s calling us in the direction we are headed. We cannot simply follow the heart-tugging blindly. Rose-tinted glasses are not helpful. However, we know a family that adopted out of incredibly difficult circumstances and dealt with the issues head-on, and now has an incredibly beautiful family with daughters that have clear eyes and a solid walk with God. Another family adopted an older sibling group of three while also parenting three younger biological children and pregnant with their fourth. While their family of seven certainly has challenges to face (what family doesn't have challenges?), they are doing very well. Yet another family has adopted four children, both domestically and internationally, infant and older, while also giving birth to six (soon seven) children. None of these families would say it is easy, but they would all say it is worth it.

Frequently I talk with people, men particularly, who feel completely inadequate to parent their own children, let alone a child with a wounded heart from a broken family. I try to encourage these men that I was once there. I didn't know how to be a good father. I didn't know what loving a child really even meant or looked like. There is nothing like feeling like an inadequate parent that will drive you to your knees in prayer faster.

Step out of the boat

God’s heart for all of us is that we would trust Him. He wants to be our “Plan A.” He doesn’t want us to have a backup plan. In God, there is no such thing as a “Plan B.” In fact, he has entrusted everything to us, his bride, the Church. He has called us to care for the vulnerable. He hasn’t called anyone else. He hasn’t called the government to do it. He has called us to do it. We are His Plan A. And he doesn’t have a Plan B.

He calls all of us differently. Some he calls to sacrifice it all in the jungles of Africa. Others he calls to serve diligently in Government. There are many ways that He calls us to serve Him. But He has called all of us to care for the vulnerable child in some way. He calls all of us to do is trust Him with everything. He is our good Father. He is our safe Savior. Where He calls, He will provide. He will provide the finances. He will provide the wisdom. He will provide the resilience at the end of another long, draining day.

Peter trusted Jesus with everything when he climbed out of a perfectly good boat in the middle of storm. At the sound of his name on the lips of what appeared at first to be a ghost, Peter stepped out of the boat. But instead of sinking, he trusted God with everything and he walked on water. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, he didn’t sink. And when the storm overwhelmed him, Jesus picked him up.

Is God calling you to step out of the boat in the middle of the storm? Is He calling you to throw caution to the wind and join Him, walking on water into the realm of orphan care? It is on His heart. It can be on yours too. He is simply looking for your yes. He will direct your steps.

Mark Schultz and Adoption

2010-04-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

In going through our receiving end of adoption we experience a lot of joy. The joy of new life and the joy of a dream coming true. Our adoption counselor, an amazing Christian woman who is adopted and has adopted herself, said a profound statement to us several times. She said, "Birth Mom's never forget, never forget Birth Mom's".

A birth mother is an amazing person making a profoundly good and unselfish choice. She has three choices in front of her when faced with an unexpected pregnancy.

1. She can abort.
2. She can raise the child herself even though her life is rocky and unstable.
3. She can see a future for her child that is beyond what she can provide and she can make an adoption plan.

When Mark Shultz was confronted with the reality of his birth mothers options and the great life that he has been able to live he produced this song and video as a way of saying Thank You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPYaRJOWznk

Can I Live?

2009-10-05T15:42:00.000-07:00

Watch this music video. You will not regret the 4 minutes it takes.

Alana's Adoption Movie

2009-09-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

A tradition of our family is to create a video of their birth (G-rated!). Ever since we started the adoption process I put a lot of thought into how exactly to produce a birth video since I would, most likely, not have footage of the birth mother being pregnant, nor would I have footage of our adopted child's first moments of life.

Well, we adopted last May 27th and life has been a blur since then. This past week I finally had the time in the evenings to stop and edit together a short, 4-minute video of the story of the adoption of Alana Michelle.

Here it is.

We are still in need of $2,000.00 to finalize Alana's adoption. Would you please consider a donation of any size? You can use the link to the right and donate securely through PayPal. Thank you so much!

We're Adopting! Please Pray!

2009-05-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

We just received word yesterday of a precious baby girl born on May 20th who was in need of a family. After a whirlwind of phone calls and emails, we were placed in contact with the birth mother today at 11am. We were able to talk with her for a very long time on the phone and just fell in love with her (and she with us)! So what that means is that we are suddenly leaving for Shreveport, LA Tuesday morning to pick up our new baby girl. We will be arriving in Shreveport Wednesday morning to begin the paperwork process.

We covet your prayers as we travel during this very emotional time. Please pray that things will flow smoothly and the paperwork angels will bring their 'A' game. :) Also for the peace that passes understanding for everyone involved.

The baby's birth name is "Alana Michelle". We are in awe of the fact that the birth mother gave her such a perfect name since Alan is Paul's middle name and of course Michelle.

If you would like to be part of what God is doing please click the PayPal button at the top of the page and you can donate. Every little bit helps.

A priest, arrested at Notre Dame

2009-05-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

A priest, arrested at Notre Dame. For the first time in the history of the university. I don't know the actual arrest charge. But it is probably along on the lines of, "your 'kind' is not wanted here."

This is sad and disgusting. My six-year-old summed it up best. She asked what "the old man" was doing, and I was in too much shock to actually answer. She figured it out toward the end. "Oh, they are being Jesus on the cross."

"No, Mr. President"

2009-05-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

A powerful video. A stand for life.

"Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and send revival to America."

In Pain

2009-05-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

Just 12 hours ago I was on cloud-9, excited about the rapid changes that were soon going to be happening in our family. We had been identified by a birth mother as the family she wanted for her baby. We were shocked and excited. We had heard about "the call" but now it had happened to us. The next day (last Friday) we sent a message back wanting to double-check that the birth mother was okay with the fact that we were pregnant. At 11am today the answer to our question came back: the birth mother had reconsidered.

She, upon reflecting on the due date, realized that they would be very close in age. This was something that we were actually excited about, but not something that she wanted to chose for her child.

So, now, I sit here, in shock. In shock that it hurts so much. A bit of whiplash from the sudden change of direction. Wondering 'what's God doing?' Feeling like I crashed into a brick wall at 400 miles per hour.

The only thing that I seem to be able to think is "I didn't know it would hurt this much." I'm surprised at how little time it takes to become attached to a person that I have never met. I think, maybe it's the idea of adoption, and not this child. Then I remember, I've been here before and I didn't feel like this.

But this one thing I know; I know that God is for me and not against me. That even though it feels like he is crushing me, that it His good pleasure to work into me the very things that I need. That I will run to Him rather than from Him. Even in the midst of the pain.

Seriously Awesome Video

2009-05-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

This is a time-lapse video of the earth from geosyncronous orbit. Seriously awesome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDvaU-GyIYE

In Amazement

2009-05-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a little less than 24 hours since we were informed that we were matched with a birth mother. There are formalities and obstacles ahead on this journey that could de-rail this particular situation, but 24 hours in, it really looks like in 7 weeks we will become a multi-ethnic family!

As I sit on the airplane listening to my Matt Gillman and Corey Asbury on my iPod singing about the holiness and beauty of this God that we serve (on the album 'Holy') I am overwhelmed by His presence and His caring love. We have a lot of documentation to read and contracts to sign and money to raise so I decided to read a bunch of the paperwork on the plane. There is so much peace around this situation and I am filled with awe at the notion of what is about to occur in my family. Listening to the music makes me aware that this entire process has been orchestrated and ordained by Him. All we have done is obey and put one foot in front of the other, filling out paperwork and mailing it all over the country with more information that I care to think about.

When we first started this process most agencies we talked to looked at us like we were from Jupiter ("You have kids AND you want to adopt AND you WANT an African-American child?"). They just didn't know what to do with us. But we continued following the calling of God in our hearts and filled out the paperwork they asked for. Then, in November came the news that my wife was pregnant with our fifth child. Who would want to place with us now? Our home study wasn't even complete. Would the agency even finish it? They did finish it as we were so close to completing it (just needed one more set of finger prints and a personal reference). The were very nice but made it very clear that their agency wouldn't place with us and that it would be difficult to find someone. Of course we were very disappointed, but continued to speak to our souls and believe and trust in the God that only does wondrous things.

Our home study was completed on February 19, 2009. Now, here it is only 77 days later we get "the call". In spite of everything set against us. In spite of all the hurdles that we have setup for God. Most couples wait around a year to adopt. We haven't even waited 3 months. (Of course that's not counting the 7 years of waiting on God to open the door before now.)

Adoption is such a part of God's heart that he will overcome all the hurdles in his path to place the fatherless in homes and provide for orphans.

Just can't wait to share!!!

2009-05-07T16:44:00.000-07:00

We just got a call an hour or so ago that we were picked by a birth mom!!!!!! She lives in Illinois, and she said she picked our family because she wants her baby to have siblings. There are a few more formalities to go through before this is fully official, but at this point it looks like OUR baby GIRL will be born around June 30 (just over seven weeks away!). We are so excited!!!!!!!!! We're going to have "twins"!!

What an adventure this is!!!

I threw away my garden

2009-04-24T20:25:00.001-07:00

I threw away my vegetable garden. I wish I was being metaphorical, but I am not. I went out to the garden today, like normal, but instead of nurturing it as I have been for the past six weeks I pulled out the tomato plants that I had planted in the ground and threw away the cucumbers, zucchini and other plants that I have been raising from seed.

The biggest question on your mind right now is why? Those who know me, know how much I love tending my garden. It is a place where, historically, I have been able to meet God. I have had amazing times of worship and revelation about how God cares for his children by tending a little plot of dirt.

But not this year. At least not with this set of plants.

Several weeks ago, I don't even remember when though I know it was before I planted the seeds, I felt God prompting me not to actually plant this year. I wrestled with it. I argued. I rationalized. I had talks with my wife about it. There was money spent on the raised beds and on the dirt. There were the plans for canning all the tomatoes and other various veggies raised to enjoy year round. So why not have a garden?

There was no answer. So I forged ahead, planting the seeds, getting the tomato plants, planning the plots and creating the irrigation system. And yet there was this little niggling in the back of my head. This little thorn that wouldn't leave me alone. I could ignore it, but I couldn't enjoy God's presence. At least not like in the past. I knew that he still smiled when he thought about me, but I still felt the question in my spirit when I came into his presence: "Have you done what I asked?"

This week, that quiet little niggle turned into a loud scream. A silent one, but it was always there. no matter how busy I was (and this week was the busiest of my career). I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't silence it. The only thing that I could do was run from God and that isn't an option.

Today was the hardest. I was chased around by the story of Abraham and sacrifice of Isaac followed by the question "Do you love Me more than your garden?" I knew the answer was yes, but I also knew what that meant. I couldn't bear the thought of saying no. That would be patently crazy. Saying to the creator of the plant "No, I love the plants more than I love you". It would be possible to say, but ridiculous.

So I threw away my garden. It wasn't easy. I would be lying if I said that I didn't shed a few tears. However, as I explained to the children, just as I ask them to do things that they don't understand, Jesus asks us to do things that we don't understand.

So, why did I throw away my garden? Because God asked me to. Why did he ask me to? Ask Abraham and Isaac. Maybe they know.

Baby #5...

2009-03-18T10:20:00.001-07:00

Well, we Swagerty's are 20 weeks into the 40 weeks of Swagerty #5, and like any self-respecting 7-year-old who likes Christmas to come early, we had an ultrasound yesterday in order to find out if we should be buying pink things or blue things.

The current score in our house is 2 girls and 2 boys, so this baby would be a tie-breaker. We have had a girl name picked out for a while (ever since the birth of our last girl - 4.5 years ago) so we were hoping for another girl.
We were wrong.

So now we are wondering about what name we will choose, but we know that this baby has a "destiny" beyond our own human perspective.

Enjoy the pictures, including one of baby doing his best "Han Solo encased in Carbonite" impression.

Fast with TheCall

2009-03-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

Fast with TheCall for California: http://www.thecall.com/blog

Heart for Sacramento, part 2

2009-03-06T22:16:00.002-08:00

(For part one, click here.)

Later that night, I listened to a message where the speaker was talking about "the sacraments." One thing that we in the Protestant church do not have is the language of "the sacraments." We think that it means something holy or special or Godly, but it really is somewhat of a vague concept for us. This speaker was sharing that one thing that "sacrament" means is "making visible something that is invisible." Thus the sacrament of communion is meant to make visible the invisible nature of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. The sacrament of marriage is meant to make visible the invisible nature of Christ's love for his church.

The way that the speaker said the word "sacrament" immediately caused me to connect with my hometown, Sacramento. My town is making visible something is invisible. The question is what? I don't know the answer, but I want to know. Because if we can focus our prayers in the Rock House of Prayer -- if we can focus our prayers and change Sacramento, the capital of California -- we can change the nation. Like the saying goes, "As California goes, so goes the nation."

Reflecting on this causes pain in my heart. How do I pray for the lawmakers who work only 25 miles from my house? Do I pray for them at all? Do I pray effective prayers? Do I pray that my prayers would be made effective? Not really -- barely -- no. It didn't even occur to me.

Why? Why do I not truly care for these people? Why do I wish in the deep, dark recesses of my heart that California would fall into the ocean, knowing that it would probably take me with it? Why do I think that the nation would really be better off without California?

As I spent the week out from under the familiar feeling of demonic oppression that hangs so thick over my home state, I finally admitted something to myself. I realized that I actually think that Sacramento and the misguided lawmakers are too far gone. I actually believe the lie that my (few and meager) prayers for them are wasted words. I truly believe that my time is better spent praying for my friends' needs, praying for the physical injuries that come across the church prayer emails, or sending emails to my representatives. I'd rather let them know how I feel rather than praying that God would intervene in their lives in an unmistakable and life-changing way.

In other words, when it comes to politics, I would rather vote than pray.

But I am supposed to behave as the persistent widow, banging on the doors of heaven, pleading with God for justice. And he desires to give justice. But do I want justice to come? I didn't say judgment. I said justice. I have discovered that I don't want justice. I want judgment. Like Jonah, I want fire to fall from heaven and wipe certain cities from the map. But He would rather give mercy than judgment. Why do I wonder why God doesn't send his judgment swiftly and speedily? Because he is slow to anger but quick to love (Psalm 103:8; 145:8). Me? Not so much. I am slow to love but quick to anger. I want God to be made in my image. Instead, He is changing me into His likeness.

It is easy to say "Jesus come back!" when what I really mean is "Jesus come smite them!" It is another thing to pray "Lord, change the heart of my enemy. Have mercy on those who would seek to destroy me. They don't know what they are doing." Sound familiar? It's what Jesus did on the cross. It's what he told us to do in the Sermon on the Mount. "Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you" (Luke 6:28, NLT). That means even in your heart. You cannot bless them with your mouth while hating them in your heart (Matthew 5:21, 22).

Lord, forgive me and change my heart. Show me the desire of your heart for Sacramento. Fill me with Your divine love for the people that govern. Make my prayers effective for them. Bless them. Do not judge them, but forgive them, just as you have forgiven me. Guide their hands as they make laws. Cause them to make righteous laws. Visit them in unmistakable ways. Reveal yourself and your love to them.

What is your prayer?

Heart for Sacramento, part 1

2009-03-06T22:01:00.000-08:00

I sit here in the Atlanta airport reflecting on the trip that I just had here. Not the travel that brought me here or that will take me home; nor the business that took place while I was here, but rather the spiritual things that happened to me while I was here.

I enjoy business travel. Because I enjoy working, vacations are difficult for me. Just doing "play" things all day bores me very quickly. What I enjoy about business travel is that I get to work during the day and then in the evening I am "free" from my normal husbandly and fatherly duties, giving me extra time for my spiritual hobbies. Now don't misunderstand me. I love my wife and children more than words can express. I love the responsibilities that I took on when I got married. I love talking with my wife and planning our lives together. She is my best friend and I miss her deeply when we are apart. I also love my children. I love coming home each day from work to discover what they have been doing all day and what new things they have discovered in the world. What I didn't anticipate is how much time being a husband and a father would take.

I love the business travel because I get a tiny bit of that time back. Between the time on the plane and the two hours before I go to sleep I get to study my Bible and learn about God in a way that is more focused than while at home.

This trip was no different.

My favorite thing about coming to Atlanta is the House of Prayer here. They have a 24/7 prayer room just like the one in Kansas City. Just like the one we have in Roseville (except ours isn't 24/7 yet). The beauty of the IHOP-Atl is that I have zero responsibilities at it and I am unknown. There is no one to say "Hi!" to. I cannot think about all the things that I should be doing to help the ministry grow and attract more people. I am free to simply commune with God.

I have listened to dozens of IHOP-Atlanta's Sunday night messages. While they have no idea who I am, I feel like IHOP-Atl is part of me. While in their prayer room this week, I reflected on a conversation related in the story of their founding. Billy Humphrey (their director) spent a couple years at IHOP-KC. While there he had a formative meeting with Mike Bickle, the director of IHOP-KC. During this meeting, as Billy shares it, Mike asked him, "Why do you want to start a 24/7 prayer room in Atlanta?" Billy responded with a fervor "Prayer changes things. Atlanta is the 'Gateway to the South'. If we can change Atlanta then the whole of the South opens to us. If we can change the South we can change the nation. If we can change America we can change the world."

I spent a bit of time reflecting on that perspective and how it pertains to my life and the House of Prayer to which I belong. (See part 2 for the rest of the story.)

Home Study: Complete

2009-02-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

I have been a little shell-shocked these past couple days. Our home study is complete. It was such a long, drawn out process that I think that I started to wonder if it would ever be complete. But it is now. We have it in hand. We have the proof. It is no longer "we are working on it" or "nearly done" or "just another couple weeks." It is finished.

Now the next steps are to start applying for financial aid (which requires a home study; did I mention that we have one now?) and waiting on God's timing.

Pro-lifers arrested in Birmingham...

2009-02-16T22:25:00.000-08:00

9 Pro-lifers arrested in Birmingham. Yes in that Birmingham.

http://www.socon.ca/or_bust/?p=1525

Another letter from Screwtape

2009-02-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

This one is on the matter of abortion. I don't know where it was found, but hopefully the revelation of it's contents will damage the cause of the nether-world.

http://www.breakpoint.org/listingarticle.asp?ID=10675

Celebrating Lincoln

2009-02-12T23:08:00.001-08:00

Today is Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday. What better way to celebrate his life than to celebrate the man who reduced slavery.

Under his leadership, Congress passed laws requiring more humane treatment of enslaved persons, proper slave health care, and preventing slave owners from separating slave familes.

http://thepoint.breakpoint.org/2009/02/celebrating-lincoln-who-reduced-slavery.html

Who are you thinking about?

2009-02-09T19:33:00.001-08:00

I ran across this comment on another blog that I follow. It was so good that I had to post it here.

http://abbafund.wordpress.com/2009/02/09/francis-chan-on-the-value-of-life/

Why is my life more valuable than this baby’s? Someone asked me recently why I don’t save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself “just in case” something happens to me, when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I’m to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me.

I concur.

As Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount (paraphrased), "Why think about yourself? If the Father in heaven takes care of the flowers of the field, how much more will he take care of you?"

Who are YOU thinking about?

The Lost Generation

2009-02-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

I really liked this video. It's about 2 minutes long. Well worth the watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

Disgusting

2009-02-05T17:32:00.000-08:00

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,488644,00.html

and

http://www.wesleyjsmith.com/blog/2009/02/ap-infant-survives-late-term-abortion.html

Take a good look at that picture in the second link. See if you can identify a "lump of tissue". I see a baby.

Disgusting.

Invincible

2009-02-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

Here's a crazy (and true!) story.

Yesterday when I was driving home from work the manifest presence of the Lord entered the car. It was thick and unmistakable. He said only one thing "What do you want?"

God has asked me this one time before. Two years ago I was sitting in my cubicle at work, listening to the bible when the story of blind Bartemaeus began to be read. In the story Bart, as we will call him, hears that Jesus is walking by and begins crying out desperately. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me. Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" He gets so loud and obnoxious that the crowd tries to quiet him down. But Bart will have none of it. "Jesus, Son of David, have MERCY on me." Finally, realizing that Bart will never quite down, the crowd brings him to Jesus. And what does Jesus say? Only one thing.

"What do you want?"

At that moment a cry deep in my soul began to raise itself towards heaven. As Bart in the bible replied "I want to see!", I in my cube replied "I want a real job! I want a REAL JOB!" For five minutes this cry, this desperate prayer, echoed in my soul. Thirty minutes later, literally, a phone call came with a dream job offer at the exact salary level that I needed at a company that I thought had passed me by.

So, now, here I am again. I have a job. And God is in my car asking me "What do you want?" I don't want for anything material. I have learned to be content. Is my life 'perfect'? Hardly. Are there days when I desire possessions? Certainly. But I have learned, in every situation, to be content. (Or at least I am learning.)

"What do you want?"

The question echoed through me. This is not a light question. Do you ask for wisdom? Maybe. That didn't seem to turn out so well for Solomon. Yeah he was smart and rich, but he doesn't seem to have ended very well. Do you ask for money? Do you ask for world peace? Seriously.

"What do you want?"

I have pondered the question for about 24 hours now. I went for a walk tonight and the question was still there, though the echo was fading. I knew I needed to answer before the night was over or the offer would be withdrawn. I prayed. "Lord, what should I ask for?"

Silence.

It seems like a good thing to pray, but was truely my choice and He would not influence my decision. He would respect my free will.

Suddenly, my dull, aching spirit knew. My over-stimulated nerves calmed. I knew the answer. I knew what I wanted.

"I want a heart that is alive. I want a heart that burns with passion for Jesus."

I suddenly knew that if I had this one thing, nothing else would be able to sway me. Not knowledge. Not money. Not power. Nothing. I would be unshakable. I would be invincible.

"I want a heart that is alive. I want a heart that burns with passion for Jesus."

"What do you want?"

What I Really Want

2009-01-23T21:58:00.000-08:00

The other day I was sitting the the prayer room at RHOP. I was struggling with the sensation that I was wasting my time; that I would be happier if I was at home doing something useful.

I raised the prayer to God: "Do I really want to be here?"

I heard the familiar whisper of God in my spirit "YOU REARRANGE YOUR SCHEDULE TO BE HERE."

I thought about this for a few minutes. I thought. I do move things around in my schedule to make space to be here. I value my time. Though I struggle with the actual enjoying of the prayer room, I do still come. If I make space in my schedule to be here, I must want to be here. I thought wanting would feel different.

I thought wanting would feel different.

Wanting is a sensation to be sure. But my reason for being in the prayer room. For seeking the presence of God goes deeper than a want. It goes deeper than a strong desire. I enter his presence almost as an instinct.

There is something deep inside me that needs to be in His presence. This drives me, it compels me, to carve out time in my schedule for Him. To meet Him in the prayer room. To talk with Him. To learn about Him. To listen to Him. To know Him.

Wanting does feel different.

I don't want to be here. I need to be here.

Number 5: Week 10

2009-01-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a busy past couple of weeks. I suppose that I ought to actually keep up with the "weekly" posts here on baby development.

This week: 10.

Since the last time that I posted quite a bit has happened. Michelle started cramping and bleeding. Because Michelle had a previously undiagnosed progesterone deficiency she is now receiving injections of progesterone twice a week. Yeowch. Simply put, progesterone keeps a pregnant woman pregnant. If you really want more information than that, you can read about it here. The good news is that these injections have stabilized the bleeding and cramping to the point that they are pretty rare now.

The baby is now known scientifically as a fetus. It is a little over an inch long already. Only 20 more inches to go. Pretty amazing when you think that it will only take a little over 6 months to grow almost two feet. Yikes.

The brain, kidneys, intestines, and liver now starting to function, though (obviously) they'll continue to develop and grow during development. The baby's limbs can now bend. The spinal cord can be seen through translucent skin and nerves are beginning to extend from it.

Keep praying for Michelle that she has the emotional and physical energy to love all of our children during this pregnancy.

Until next week...

Where do we draw the line

2008-12-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

Obviously nothing will stop the cultural progressives until the very last trace of the word "no" has been transmorgified into "if you want to" (but only if what you want to do agrees with what they want you to do.)

Number 5: Week 7

2008-12-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

What's with the title? Number 5? Well, as I told one friend, number five is alive! Or as I mentioned to another, didn't see that one coming. Or to yet another friend, we're pregnant.

That's right. Number 5. And it's looking like early August (plus or minus the standard two weeks). So I thought it would be cool to do a weekly blog post of the babies development and to let people know how Michelle is doing.

Since most people ask how Michelle is doing, I'll start there. She's doing great. Outside of the typical morning sickness, she's actually feeling pretty good. Considering she spent six months of the last pregnancy on bed rest and didn't have morning sickness, I'm quite happy for the nausea. Actually, I was remembering over the different prengnancies and realized that Michelle really only had morning sickness with the first pregnancy and not really on the rest. And the first prgnancy was the easiest of the four, so we are praying for that. With an almost six year old, a four and a half year old, a three year old and a nine month old, we need as much of Mommy as possible.

The baby, on the other hand, is growing like crazy. After only five weeks of life (pregnancy starts counting after week 2), her hands and feet are beginning to form and she is about half an inch long. Her eyelids are already beginning to form, partially covering her eyes which already have a little bit of color. Her nose is forming and blood vessels are carrying blood just beneath her parchment-like skin.

Her liver is producing the red blood cells because she has no bone marrow to actually do that job yet. Her appendix has already formed as well as her pancreas.

She may still be scientifically known as an embryo, but she has always been a baby human.

Do not click this link

2008-11-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article750838.ece

The girl in this picture is nine. She was officially adopted in October of 2007. When she was rescued from her home in July of 2005 she was found by the police.

First he saw the girl's eyes: dark and wide, unfocused, unblinking. She wasn't looking at him so much as through him.
She lay on a torn, moldy mattress on the floor. She was curled on her side, long legs tucked into her emaciated chest. Her ribs and collarbone jutted out; one skinny arm was slung over her face; her black hair was matted, crawling with lice. Insect bites, rashes and sores pocked her skin. Though she looked old enough to be in school, she was naked — except for a swollen diaper.

She was seven years old.

Now, she can feed herself chicken nuggets and she doesn't bite her own hands when she is angry. She has an older brother now that loves her deeply. She can swim.

In her new room, she has a window she can look out of. When she wants to see outside, all she has to do is raise her arms and her dad is right behind her, waiting to pick her up.

So whatever you do, do not click this link.

The Girl in the Window

The Good Samaritan

2008-11-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

Apparently today is the day that I get riled up at our society and the church at how we are exactly like the Scribes and Pharisees that Jesus was accusing in the parable of the Good Samaritan.

As we are all familiar with the parable, but just for a paraphrased recap. A guy got attacked, robbed and left to die by thugs. Three "Christians" walked past, but none stopped to help. Then, a person, despised by the "Christians" stopped to help. He was a Samaritan. He helped the man. Took him to a hospital and paid for everything.

Sound familiar? We "Christians" get so upset at the "liberals" and their help for the poor and downtrodden. And we have a valid reason. We get upset because they are doing our job. Oh, wait. That's not it at all. We get upset because they are using our money to do it. Wait, so we are called to help the poor and downtrodden with everything that we have, yet we get upset that they are using "my money" to help the poor and downtrodden?

So I realize that I am oversimplifying the situation, but aren't we supposed to "lean into Jesus" with everything that we have. Doesn't that mean push the envelope of what is possible, trusting Him to catch us when we fall.

In the defense of Christians, we have every right, and ought to critical of the way in which society abandons the poor as being too much to care for. Of encouraging the disabled and depressed to commit suicide, because they don't "have a life worth living." We should protest our government enabling suicide in Oregon and now Washington, and hopefully not Hawaii.

However, we are supposed to be salt and light. We ought to be leading the way. And when we take a long hard look into the mirror, we can see that we are. We abandon the orphans and the widows, when we should taking them into our homes and our lives. We encourage the pre-born and the depressed, vulnerable pregnant mothers to abort by abandoning them to a soceity that tells them they cannot have a life worth living with a child; that their child will be un-loved and un-wanted, rejected by the rest of the world. These mothers are desperate. They look at the world around them and everything they see tells them that the story they are hearing from the abortion worker is correct.

Again, to be fair, there are points of light, we have billboards out there. We have charities and crises pregnancy centers willing and able to help the women that walk through their doors.

But we have so few. We have so few. Because of two reasons, money and help. That's all we need. More money for things like ultrasound machines and adoption help. More help to drive young mothers to parents classes rather than abortion clinics. You know the amazing thing. Those are the only things that the good Samaritan had as well. He gave of his time and of his money.

Crises Pregnancy Centers and Adoption Agencies should be like McDonald's and Burger King. Wherever you see a Planed Parenthood, you know that within a block or two, you will find a CPC/Adoption agency. It's insane that I have to drive 90 minutes to find an agency that is willing to talk to me about adoption and not about how much money I will pay them for the adoption. And the funny thing is, I'm paying more for it. Because I'm not concerned about the money. God has the windows of heaven ready to pour out on me.

Why do we live in big houses and go into debt for new TV's and new cars when we could, even should, be giving to life instead? Not that cars or TV's are bad or sinful, but we use them like a drug. We have to get the latest. We have to have the newest. Wait three years. Don't get the newest, you will save a lot of money and you can store up treasures in heaven with the difference. It's the new "Buy term; invest the difference" cliche. We have a temporary life here. We should invest the difference between what we don't spend on making our temporary life crazy comfortable in the Bank of Heaven.

To end this rather long post, I will paraphrase what our Pastor said a few weeks ago. "Do something. Do anything. I don't care what you do or how little is. It's better than what you are doing now, which is nothing."

Love Takes Time

2008-11-09T00:18:00.000-08:00

The child's scream filled the house. Somehow, between her instruction to go upstairs and get in her pajamas and actually doing so, she had been mortally wounded. My wife and I looked at each other, silently negotiating who would go comfort this particular wound.

I volunteered.

I met the mortally wounded child halfway up the stairs. Her face round, red and puffy and her voice shaking to much to be understood. The best I could make out was that she had somehow been stabbed by her brother with the fingernail clippers after he had thrown something at her. In the past, I have asked some questions regarding this type of situation. It has always ended the same. Yes, he did it on purpose. And yes, he was trying to kill me. I didn't try that this time.

I looked at her had, where she had been "stabbed." There was, as expected, nothing discernible. No nick, no scratch, not even a red dot. Nothing. And yet, here was my daughter, completely falling apart.

So I was faced with a choice. Do I send her marching back upstairs with firm instructions to only fall apart when she is "missing a limb" or do I care for her heart, which is what truly had been mortally wounded. God reminded me of this phrase that I have been thinking about the last few days, "love takes time", and instead of sending her upstairs, I sat down on the stairs with her, put her on my lap and we talked.

I don't remember what we talked about. I doubt that she remembers the words of the conversation. What I do remember is that I loved her. And I took the time to show that to her. I asked if her mortal wound needed a kiss. It did. So I kissed that spot that was indicated; the side of her wrist.

Afterwards, she turned to me, put her arms around my neck and said, "Daddy, will you brush my teeff."

Yes, I will. Because Love takes time.

The sad state of our churches

2008-11-05T23:55:00.000-08:00

A lot has been made in the "blog-o-sphere" wondering why McCain didn't talk about Jeremiah Wright and the Black Liberation Theology at the church that Obama attended for 20 years.

The simple answer is this: People don't listen to their pastors.

It's really that simple. People don't listen the the things their pastors say, so the idea that Obama would, even could, be influenced by such an insignificant person in his life as a pastor, well that, my friends, is inconceivable.

Why don't people listen to their pastors?

Lots of reasons. They don't like what he says. They don't actually attend very often because they don't like what he says. They don't read the bible. At all. And the television sucked their brain out. So the "media" does all their thinking for them.

Urgent Call To Prayer

2008-11-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

Urgent Call to Prayer
Lou Engle

Before the elections of 2004, 50 young men and women gathered for 50 days and 50 nights to continuously fast and pray for the ending of abortion and for God’s hand of mercy in establishing governmental leaders. It was prior to this intense time of intercession that a young lady from Las Vegas sent me a dream.

In the dream, there was a basketball court with an evil obstruction resting on it, and all around the court were young people weeping and crying out for the removal of this evil obstruction. In the dream I stepped onto the court wearing a referee’s shirt. (Note that a referee acts as a judge over the court.) As I walked onto the court, a 17-year-old girl fervently began declaring, “Lou Engle, it’s your turn now! Lou Engle, it’s your turn now!” Then, in the climax of this powerful dream, I took the hands of the young people, and together we swept the obstruction off the court.

The dream was very significant to me, as I have played basketball for many years. The dream used the analogy of a basketball court to speak to me concerning my place in raising up a movement of prayer to end abortion in the courts. I felt that the dream implied that a young generation was crying out for the Supreme Court to overrule Roe v. Wade.

Three days before the elections of 2004, we called our group of young people who were standing in prayer in front of the Supreme Court to a three-day Esther fast (no food and no water.) We took this from the biblical account of Esther where Haman had issued a decree for the destruction and annihilation of the Jewish peoples in the empire of Persia. Esther called a three-day fast of no food and no water in order to appeal to the Supreme Court of Heaven to overrule the edicts of the Supreme Court of Haman. I told those kids that we have to have a pro-life president who will appoint judges who will rule for the life of the unborn. We, in essence, were bringing our case before the highest court in the land—God’s court.

At the beginning of this three-day fast, I received a phone call from someone who worked in the Supreme Court asking if I wanted a special tour, an offer to which I readily agreed. Upon meeting her, this employee told me that years before, someone had given her a prophetic word declaring, “that one day she would move to DC and get a job in the Supreme Court building.” It was clear that she was living according to her prophetic destiny.

Out of curiosity, I asked her if there was basketball court in the Supreme Court building. Surprisingly, she answered that there was indeed a basketball court and that it rested precisely on top of where the Supreme Court holds its hearings. I stood there in amazement and promptly asked her to take me to court! Still in amazement at the existence of an actual basketball court, I stood and prayed that God would give us judges who will rule for the life of the unborn. Since that day, two judges have been removed and two new judges have taken their place. Our present court has ruled to uphold the ban on the gruesome procedure of partial birth abortion, and yet we cannot stop here!

This coming election will define the future of millions of unborn children and millions of women who will experience the agonizing pain and regret of post-abortion trauma. One of the current presidential candidates has declared that the first thing that he will do when elected is pass the Freedom of Choice Act. This terrifying act would effectively remove every abortion restriction that has been passed since Roe v. Wade.

Today, I believe we are in an Esther moment in America. In the day of Esther’s three-day fast, God shifted the entire public policy of Persia in a moment. God intervened at the cry of Esther’s voice, Haman was removed, and Mordecai took his place. One woman’s posture of prayer and fasting initiated movement in the heavens, and the result was that an evil death decree was reversed.

I believe that today fasting and prayer can release a divine breakthrough of undeserved mercy. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. We don’t know what’s going to happen in these critical days, but we have scriptural precedent for appeal. Therefore, from November 2 to November 4, we are calling all of those whose hearts are moved to fast for these three days to do so as the Lord would lead them.

We know of many who will be going without food and water, and yet we have no guarantees. Mordecai said to Esther, “Who knows?” I believe that it is this same “Who knows?” which today is pregnant with divine possibilities. Consider that maybe it was for such a time as this that we have come into the kingdom.

For America,

Lou Engle

Keeping Our Focus

2008-10-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

This is a crazy intense time right now. The elections are approaching and much is at stake. Nationally we face the election of a man whose history and words leave little doubt as to his murderous intent towards the most innocent, most vulnerable among us, the unborn. As California goes, so goes the nation. As such, the soul of the nation hangs in the balance here in California with Proposition 8 deciding if marriage should be redefined or maintained as between a man and a woman.

My family finds itself already targeted twice for having "Yes on 8" signs on our front lawn. The signs being vandalized once and a thwarted theft a second time (I caught them in the act). We are caught up in the midst of the campaign, eyes wide open, completely aware of what is at stake.

We spend our days canvassing neighborhoods and attending rallys, doing what we can to support the righteous definition of marriage. We spend our evenings discussing it and praying about it. More than once we have stayed up long past our bed time discussing the insanity of the national and state-wide situation.

It is critical that we remain focused. There are only 7 days left. Tomorrow is the last Wednesday before the election. We cannot lose focus. We must keep our eyes on the goal. With how I am spending my time (and money) you might be surprised to find out that I am not talking about the election. I am talking about keeping our eyes focused on the throne and Him who sits on it.

The Lamb has been slain. He died for McCain. He died for Obama. He died for every homosexual, married or otherwise. In the throne room, the angels still cry Holy and the elders still bow down and worship. They are unmoved by the "crisis" that we are facing in our nation.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that we should stop working to see righteousness established here on earth. I am saying that we should not lose sight of reality. And the reality is what is happening in the Throne Room of Heaven.

The reality is that if McCain is elected and Prop 8 passes and the Republicans control the legislature we will still need Jesus more than ever. We would still be sinners, lost without Him.

So, as the election appoaches, don't lose focus of reality.

Finally I surrender ....

2008-10-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

All I want is You to have Your way
You are the Potter and I am the clay
All I need is You to have Your way
You are Creator and I'm what You made

Finally, I surrender
- Misty Edwards

Father in Heaven, we are lost. We need your help. Righteousness is being declared evil, and evil is being called good. We are godless. Come fill our hearts. We repent of the injustice we have committed against you, placing ourselves on the throne while thinking that you don't care or even denying you.

But you are Good. You are Just. And you will not be mocked. We humble ourselves at your feet and plead the blood of your Son, Jesus, on our sins and the sins of our land.

Lord, we cry out. Have mercy on us sinners. Finally we surrender.

Order and Discipline

2008-10-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together writes:

These [order and discipline] must be sought and found in the morning prayer and in work they will be maintained. The prayer of the morning will determine the day. Wasted time, which we are ashamed of, temptations that beset us, weaknesses and listlessness in our work, disorder and indiscipline in our thinking and our relations with other people very frequently have their cause in neglect of the morning prayer. The organization and distribution of our time will be better for having been rooted in prayer. The temptations which the working day brings with it will be overcome by this break-through to God. Decisions which our work demands will be simpler and easier when they are made, not in the fear of men, but solely in the presence of God. "Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, so to the Lord and not unto men" (Col 3:23). Even routine mechanical work will be performed more patiently when it is done with the knowledge of God and His command. Our strength and energy for work increase when we have prayed God to give us the strength we need for our daily work.

I rarely have morning prayer time. It is too easy to think that I don't have enough time. Or to stay up too late the night before exhausting myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But the truth is that the times that I have had morning prayer, even the most irregular, my days have gone better, I have been happier, and I have walked closer to God.

Abba, I desire to be with You. To walk with You. To talk with You. Remind me. Wake me from my slumber. Amen.

Would you deny Christ....

2008-10-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

One of the most terrifying things that a person can imagine is to be forced to watch as their child is tortured by another human. I have heard many people say they aren't sure if they would be able to withstand the trial.

Yet is there anything that we can do today to keep our children alive? Certainly we can do our best to teach them to not play in the street, not play with poisonous snakes or spiders, etc. In essence, we can teach them about dangers but we cannot protect them from dangers.

Is there really anything that you can do when your child has incurable leukemia? How many parents have wished the pain of their child upon themselves? What parent wouldn't gladly and happily change places in the car with their little baby girl as a drunk driver careens into the side of the car causing permanent brain damage?

There certainly have been exceptions, but by in large most practicing Christ-followers understand that trials and struggles come in this fallen world. Not many are willing to deny Christ and their faith as they watch their child struggle with the pain and even die from disease or catastrophic injury. Quite the opposite actually. Most claim that they would not have made it through the trial if it hadn't been for the Christ. If it hadn't been for the faith they have in the age to come, they would not have been able to endure the pain.

Hebrews 12:2 says ...who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross... (NKJV)

Many have walked out that reality. Because of the knowledge that they would see their loved one again, whole, without pain, in complete joy and happiness, worshiping at the feet of the One who made them that way, these saints endured their own personal crucifixion.

So then, if we know that we are able to endure (through the countless stories of those who have gone on ahead) torture of our children at the hands of sickness, disease, and catastrophic accidents then why do we question our ability to endure torture of our children at the hands of evil men?

What is the difference between cancer and terrorists?

Sure, the terrorist is standing there, with a machete, threatening to cut your child's limbs off if you don't renounce your faith. You are presented with an option that you don't feel like you have with the cancer. But, would you make a deal with the devil for the cancer? Would you keep your child here on earth for another 70 years at the cost of the eternal joy set before you? Would you make a deal with the terrorist for the same thing?

We know that the devil is the father of all lies. We also know that the word of a person threatening life and limb of any individual is highly questionable.

So, at the cost of your own eternal soul, would you deny Christ to save the physical life of your child?

You wouldn't for cancer, so why would you deny Him for terrorists?

Vote

2008-09-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

This video doesn't pull any punches

Donate!

2008-09-20T12:23:00.001-07:00

Hey ... we're adoption (in case you didn't know). We don't know who, and we don't know when yet (though we are hoping that it will complete around March 2009). What we do know is that we will need about $20,000. So, if you want to donate, you now can. Safe and secure through Paypal. Click on the right.

And thanks. :)

Birth of a child

2008-09-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

It's been six months, but I can still remember the overwhelming emotion when our fourth child was born. One would think that with the fourth the process of labor and birth would be old hat. But with the first three my wife had an epidural and all the babies were born in a few hours (our first was born in 36 hours!). Our fourth was born in 28 minutes.

I was recently watching "The Nativity Story." I really enjoy the movie and like it despite some of the obvious cliches. At the end of the movie, when Baby Jesus is born, Joseph is delivering the baby. The baby is born Joseph holds him up and is laughing and crying simultaneously. Every time I watch that scene I am instantly taken back to that moment in the hospital; that moment immediately after the birth. The relief that the birthing process was over, that the baby was born, that my wife had survived. That the baby had survived. I was laughing and crying simultaneously. The flood of emotions was just so intense. I can honestly say that I had never experienced that level of emotion before.

And unless we have another child, I doubt that I will experience again. I am grateful that I was granted that experience.

In Pain

2008-09-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

My soul is in anguish. My spirit cries out.

The world is in pain. And yet it dances the night away.

And babies die.

Does anyone care? Does anyone notice.

There are mommies who cry tonight. And yet the world says dance.
And so they do.

Why?

Why dance?

There is other music playing. Another song is being sung.
Just listen harder and you can hear it.

It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."

And when you listen your spirit soars.

Listen to the song of ages. Listen to the song of songs. It is a quiet song. It is not a loud song. But it is the oldest song.

You don't like it because it isn't new. You want the latest. The latest will fade. The newest will age.

But this song will remain. This song is the oldest. But this song will always be the latest. As the world looks for the next best thing. After you have been used up and discarded, the song still sings.

It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."

Just listen.

A Just Judge

2008-08-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

We serve a Just Judge.

What is the ultimate justice for sickness? Healing.
What is the ultimate justice for un-rightousness? Revival.
What is the ultimate justice for sin? An increase of His presence.

He judges in kindness. His kindness leads us to repentance.

Lord come and judge us. Judge sickness in the earth. Judge this unrighteous earth in your kindness. Judge our sin. Because we desire more of your presence.

True Justice

2008-08-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking quite a bit about the death penalty. I find it interesting that protestants tend to be pro-life at conception and pro-death when it comes to criminals. The defense of this tends to fall along the lines of "an eye for an eye" or "meeting out justice."

I was reading the Sermon on the Mount today. In it I read "You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.'" and I realized that the law Jesus was quoting there was the Mosaic law. I also realized that Jesus when quoting this was not saying "this is the way to live" but was actually saying, this is the law, but I am going to give you a deeper law. And He does. He says "turn the other cheek."

I was trying to put myself in the place of a person robbed of a loved one. I can't imagine the pain and anguish that would cause. I completely understand the desire for justice. We were born with it and we cannot escape it. We cannot repent of it. It is an imprint on our hearts from Heaven.

However, when we pursue human justice and correctly meet out the judgment rendered on the person condemned to die we have acquired that justice that our heart cries out for. But that pain and anguish are still there. Somehow the human justice can't meet the true justice that our heart desires.

So how do we get True Justice?

We turn the other cheek. True Justice can only come from above. True Justice can only come about because the unjust person has truly changed and reconciliation has happened. Can it happen? Yes. Does it happen? Not enough.

Imagine the True Justice of putting your arm around the neck of the person that robbed you of a loved one, laughing and being friends, and all the while thumbing your nose at the Destroyer.

If it can happen once, it can happen more than once.

Billy Graham at TED

2008-07-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

Billy Graham at the TED conference in 1998. The video is about 25 minutes.

Margaret Sanger on sin

2008-07-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

From this transcript, an interview by Mike Wallace in 1957:

WALLACE: Do you believe in sin -- When I say believe I don't mean believe in committing sin do you believe there is such a thing as a sin?

SANGER: I think the greatest sin in the world is bringing children into the world--that have disease from their parents, that have no chance in the world to be a human being practically. Delinquents, prisoners, all sorts of things just marked when they're born. That to me is the greatest sin -- that people can -- can commit..

WALLACE: But sin in the ordinary sense that we regard it -- do you believe or do you not believe.

SANGER: What-what would they be?

WALLACE: Do you believe infidelity is a sin?

SANGER: Well, I'm not going to specify what I think is a sin. I stated what I think is the worst sin.

WALLACE: Yes, but then you asked me to say what--and I said what and ah--you refuse to answer me?

SANGER: I don't know about infidelity, that has many personalities to it--and what a person's own belief is--you can't, I couldn't generalize on any of those things as being sins.

WALLACE: Murder is a sin...

SANGER: Well, I naturally think murder, whether it's a sin or not, is a terrible act.

This woman declares that bringing a child into the world in less than ideal circumstances is the worst sin possible, but when it comes to murder, she's not convinced it's sin.

I encourage you to read the entire transcript. It's a little long, but well worth the read to get a little insight into why society has gone downhill so fast in the last 50 years.

The Meekness of Jesus

2008-05-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Jesus is the meekest human to have ever lived. Here was the God of the Universe, the Creator, walking around in human flesh, yet he did not call attention to himself.

The God of Isaiah 6:1 "It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of His robe filled the Temple. Attending Him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. They were calling out to each other, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of Heaven's Armies! The whole earth is filled with His glory!" Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke. "

This Lord sitting on the throne, was the same one, who when He looked down on creation, seeking the sinfulness, did not despise us, but instead became one of us.

John 1:10 He came into the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him.

Here was God, in the flesh, those that He was walking around He had created, and He went completely undiscerned. And yet we get upset when we aren't given the recognition for some little thing that we have done. We get tweaked when we produce something at work and don't get credit, or even worse, don't get as much credit as we think is due to us. When we write a song and people play the song and don't give us credit. When we craft a sentence and someone plagarizes it. Yet He said "Let their be light", crafting the most profound sentence ever, and when walking the streets of Nazareth, no one saw anything other than a 12 year old Jewish boy.

Lord, change our perspectives. Change my perception of my true significance.

Brilliance and Glory

2008-04-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

Who is this Man? We are captivated by His brilliance and glory, as revealed in the book of Revelation. Yet this is the same man who walked the earth, and talked with us. We followed him for a few years. Then he died and was raised on the third day. Yet he still, even with his glorified body, did not display his brilliance and glory.

We are captivated by his brilliance and glory.

May we also be captivated by his humanity.

May we learn that it is both.

Poverty of Spirit

2008-04-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."

Poor in spirit means to recognize that in myself I have nothing, and that I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. It means to rid myself of me and to fill myself with HIM. And to be filled with HIM is to truly be rich in spirit.

Spiritual Promotion

2008-04-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

How often have I thought that promotion meant getting ahead of someone else. I realized today I was I listening to the RHOP podcast, that spiritual promotion was being promoted in God. It has nothing to do with being "ranked" to other people. It has everything to do with how far we have gone in God.

As He presents us with tests and challenges, and as we respond well to those things that He allows in our lives, he promotes us in Him, so that we will be able to experience more of Him.

As usual it is all about our relationship with Him.

Sermon on the Mount

2008-04-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm here at RHOP again. The team is doing a marvelous job their first week into the glory realm and Revelation 4. It is a great place to be and a transcendant scripture to study.

I reach into my bag and pull out a commentary on the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) and begin reading. It is such a familiar place, that it is like being home again. The practical and the spiritual all combined into one. I love it.

Las Vegas

2008-04-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

I was in Las Vegas yesterday. I landed after a brief flight on Sunday night. I don't like Las Vegas. To me, it is a loud, brash city that sees any sort of suggestion of restraint as the equivalent of the complete revocation of all human rights and freedoms.

As I was departing the airport with many other people, I overheard two Las Vegas natives commenting to each other about some exuberant passengers nearby. One man said to another "It's interesting that everyone comes to Vegas laughing, but no one leaves laughing." That comment really struck me as quite insightful.

After a productive meeting, I was back in the airport, waiting for my plane to take a short flight back home. I could feel my spirit losing ground to the oppression around me. The feeling had been growing all day, but now that I was "alone with myself", I was suddenly aware of the feeling and what it actually was.

I began to pray, asking God for insight into the people around me. Looking around, I saw so many people in pain; and my inner pain also continue to grow. The pinnacle was when I saw a couple get off of the plane I was about to board. They were matter of fact, the husband walking a step of two ahead of the wife. The wife was holding the hand of their daughter. Their daughter was why I had even noticed the couple in the first place. She was about ten years old, wearing a blue cotton dress with brown hair and a moderate case of Down's Syndrome. I was amazed and impressed by the couple that they had actually allowed their child to live. I continued watching this small family as they walked away, down the terminal when I realized that they had another child, a son about 18-months old, who didn't have Down's. I was even more impressed, as most people stop having children after they receive a child with a handicap.

As I watched this family, my heart began to weep. I was overcome with emotions that I still can't identify. The pain of all of the people around me, the heroic parents who had defied culture, stood their ground and were raising a child who, in all likelihood, would always remain a child, living with them, the oppression of the city that I had been experiencing for the last 24 hours. All of these things welled up inside my heart and it began to weep. I was simultaneously thanking and praising Him for the life of this child who had been spared and crying for those who felt so alone.

Later, on the airplane, just as it began to accelerate for take-off, I thought to myself. "I'm glad to be leaving. I hate this city." The Holy Spirit instantly replied, "I don't hate this city. I love this city. She is to me a daughter. And just as a good father cries for a wayward daughter, so do I weep for Las Vegas." It brought to mind when Jesus wept over Jerusalem and I quoted the verse to myself, but different. "O Las Vegas, Las Vegas, how I long to gather you to me..."

As the plane ascended into the air bringing me home, I was, for the first time, struck by the beauty of the city. Actually, for the first time of any city, I saw, why people can describe a city as beautiful. I can't explain it, but I saw it. The landscape, yes, even in the desert with the glittering, sparkling city, rising like an oasis out of the desert floor, was to me beautiful.

I began to ponder why the city refused (so far) to turn from its ways. I saw it as a beloved daughter of God, run away from home, like the Prodigal Son, living out in the desert, so worn out and depressed from chasing other things. But instead of returning home like the Prodigal, she decides that it would be better for her to die "free", rather than return home to have to live with her Fathers "restrictions".

I turned on my iPod, turning to the next podcast on the list. It just happened to be "The Beauty of Holiness." The speaker said something at the beginning that struck me, that holiness is beautiful. Having just had my eyes opened to the beauty of Las Vegas, I reflected on that thought for a moment. That Las Vegas is called to be a holy city. A city set apart from the world as a city that can and does reflect the beauty of the holiness of God.

It is clearly not walking in that calling yet, but one day it will. Today, it sits atop the the cities of the United States as the epitome of the "Longing for Beauty" and the inhabitants and the visitors exist as a constant reminder that everything the world has to offer is empty compared to the riches and beauty available to everyone who desires after eternal things.

The Fellowship of His Sufferings

2008-04-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am here at RHOP, wondering why I am here. After talking at length with Greg he encouraged me to just use this time to sit and inquire of the Lord as to my purpose and my calling. Then Mike Grant gave an encouragement at the beginning of the EGS as to knowing who you are and knowing your calling.

So I was positioning my heart to seek and the Lord interrupted me and reminded me of the prophecy from the Prophecy class. The word was that I was an olive in an olive press, and that the olive press will squeeze me, and that only a little oil of the anointing will flow from my life. But that after that one olive is crushed in the olive press, there is a basket of olives to be crushed, with an even greater anointing. And then, after those were crushed and the anointing had flowed from those, there was an olive tree heavy with ripe olives, waiting to drop, so heavy they would dent cars. ("So much it would even dent my car" she said).

The last few days I have been listening to a sermon from IHOP-ATL about Entering into the Fellowship of His Sufferings. The crushing of the olive reminded me of the verse that says "It pleased the father to crush His son." If I am truly a son of the Father, then I too have to belly up to the bar of suffering. This drink that the barkeeper has prepared for me will not pass. Neither will it be skipped. If I don't drink it, it will continue to wait for me. If I leave, it will be here when I get back. Where else can I go, only He has the words of eternal life.

Drinking of the cup of suffering is like giving little kids an immunization. They hate it at the time, but it really is for their good.

Why do I fight the suffering so much? It hurts. I don't like pain. And I'm not supposed to like pain. The point isn't to enjoy the pain, but to respond well, by turning my gaze towards heaven, feel his gaze shine on my and then, in that place, I have embraced my cross and have continued pressing into fellowship with Him, experiencing suffering with Him.

Who else has suffered more that our Lord. And I don't just mean on the cross, though that would have been enough. Who has suffered more than the Creator being hated by his creation, being rejected by us, even unto death. We hated Him so much, and He loved us so much that just to prove how much he loved us, he died for us. But he didn't stay dead, for love is stronger than the grave and His love is the truest love we can ever experience.

So Lord, here I am, in your presence. I submit my will, my flesh, my soul, and my spirit to you. I am yours. If you crush me like an olive in a press, still I will say you are good. I set my heart to know you and I direct my gaze towards you. I desire to know you in the fellowship of your sufferings. But Lord, you know, my spirit is willing and my flesh is weak, and that is what you are doing, you are stripping my flesh of it's weaknesses, so that I can run, as a salt racer after you. I worship you oh Holy one. I adore you loving Father, come and inoculate me.